Saturday, 21 February 2009

Hand Fed

Yesterday afternoon I went to the cinema with my friend Stewart. We went to see Push, a film about group of people with 'special' abilities, including telekinesis, psychometry and seeing into the future (precognition). I hadn't seen any publicity about the film so didn't know what to expect. What we got was cleverly plotted, well acted (Dakota Fanning is especially good), and confusingly exciting story with some great set-piece special-effects. The film ends on a cliffhanger so I presume a sequel is on the Zener cards.

After the film was over, Stewart and I went to get a burger and have a chat. We ended up in Burger King where we both ordered Bacon Double Cheese Burgers. I tell you this mind numbingly banal detail because of what happened next. Try as I might I was unable to raise the burger to my mouth. I had chosen the Bacon Double Cheese Burger because it is not stuffed full of lettuce, tomato and various drippy, sticky sauces destined to fall out of the burger and down my jumper. Even so it remained resolutely unpickupable, let alone eatable. I tried a French-fry instead. By pushing my right elbow awkwardly into the corner of the table and twisting by body like an arthritic contortionist I managed to get the tip of the longest one between my lips and was able to suck it into my mouth like a strand of chippy spaghetti. So far so good; 1 French-fry = 1 minute. It was a good job Burger King stays open 'til late.

Fortunately Stewart understood my predicament and casually offered to help. Torn between the humiliation of being fed in public and going hungry I went with humiliation. Pride goes out the door when you've skipped lunch. Stewart held up the burger while I nibbled at it like a donkey at a petting zoo.

In case you think I'm wallowing self pity I'd like to say in my defence that this was the first time I'd been fed in public by anyone other than Polly. It couldn't have happened with a nicer person than Stewart who acted as if it were the most natural thing in the world to hand feed your friend in a public restaurant, but it does mark yet another stepping stone in the deterioration of my condition. On the plus side, I didn't go hungry and nobody in Burger King objected or even appeared to notice.

So, thanks Stewart.