Monday, 29 September 2008

An Alarming Night

Just in case you think that my life is all fun fun fun, you might enjoy hearing about last night. Every night since everything went pear shaped a couple of weeks a go (see A Series Of Unfortunate Events) two carers have come each night to help me get to bed. Every night that is except last night. At 9.00 pm I reluctantly started to watch Poirot, knowing that Kalepo and Godfrey would arrive long before the murder was committed, let alone before Poirot's little grey cells could unmask the killer. The murder came and went, no carers. Alibis were established, still no carers. Motives were revealed, still a severe lack of carers. Suspects were gathered together and alibis were discredited, carers still absent. The killer unmasked, justice achieved, no carers. It's now 11.00pm and Poirot-like Polly and I deduce that the carers aren't coming. Polly then does the job of two men and gets me to bed.

I surrender myself in to the arms of Morpheus and have an uninterrupted and blissful nights sleep. Or alternatively the BiPap alarm goes off just as I drift away. And then it goes off again. And again and again through out the night. Oh, and to make things perfect my air mattress slowly deflates until I'm lying on the metal bed frame.

Today a series of engineers have arrived to repair and replace things. The air mattress pump has been replaced and the BiPap's electronic log examined. It turns out the alarm only went off 269 times during the night so I was obviously making a fuss about nothing but they replaced it anyway. Care managers and district nurses have been contacted, berated and informed of needs. Polly and I have made our way through the day in a sleep addled haze.

I've got to go now, Matty is doing his homework and wants to know the difference between regular and irregular verbs when using the third person plural. He's 8 for crying out loud! Shouldn't he be colouring in pictures and trying not to cross the lines?


  1. OK, I'm lost. What is "the difference between regular and irregular verbs when using the third person plural"? Maybe this is an important question that will make or break me during a game of Trivial Pursuit.

    So, it wasn't you pulling up the blanket causing the bipap to go off; it was just a malicious bit of hardware aimed at rendering both you and Polly sleepless? And this was just a coincidence that it happened at the same time as your self-deflating mattress? OK, so who in charge of durable medical supplies stands to gain from you and Polly getting no sleep, and you getting bed sores to boot? What about these no-show carers? I think we should have them investigated. Somewhere in all this is a very roundabout solution to our Mystery of the Sleepless Nights.

  2. Ah, so the little grey cells deduce that, to put it in the vernacular, the bed is knackered.....much like us really!

    So, what is the difference between the regular and irregular (I always thought it was down to how much fibre you consummed). I'm 48 and I'm blessed if i know.

    I have a friend with a 5 year old daughter who has an hours homework EVERY night....what are we doing to our kids? Let them climb trees for heaven sake.

    Whine over...hope you had a better night sleep last night.


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