Friday, 9 October 2009

Polly Ate The Table Leg

As this blog cruises past entry number 200 (at How To Be An Inspiration anyway) I have news. My new rinky-dink, super-duper wheelchair is back and working. What's more, they have removed the inhibitor that stopped me going fast when the chair is tilted back. This means I can whiz a long at speed and in comfort, which is exactly what I did last night when I careened down to the village to buy some chips for supper. There was a small sensation in the chip shop when I raised the chair up and up to the high counter and handed over the money.

Having my chair back is a relief in many ways. Almost instantly several areas of pain that I'm so used to are gone with such suddenness I am caught by surprise. Simply being able to adjust my position in a near infinite number of ways keeps me both comfortable and entertained.

Of course, life being life, and my life in particular, not everything goes completely smoothly. For example, Polly ate the table leg. (I'm so tempted to leave that sentence hanging.)

The new wheelchair, what with all its multi-function bits and bobs, is a little higher than the old one. This is not a problem, except that it wouldn't fit under our dining table. This meant that the already difficult task of having a meal was further complicated by me not being able to get close enough to the table to eat. The solution? Raise the table. You can buy 'table-risers' from various disability inclined outlets but we were uncertain exactly how high the table needed to go so decided to experiment using household objects. Eventually we discovered the ideal height the table needed to go up was that of a 220g tin of Heinz baked beans. Fortunately we had a 4 pack of these little tins and the table problem was sorted.

Until, that is, the wheelchair was taken away for repair and we had to lower the table once more because now it was too high.

The new wheelchair, now repaired and restored to us, means we needed to re-raise the table. “Fetch the baked beans,” I cried. 3 tins of beans were produced. “Er. . . Where's tin number four?" Polly looked me straight in the eye, daring me to complain. “I ate them for my supper last night when I got in from work. I hadn't eaten since 7:30 that morning and it was gone 9: 00 at night and I was too tired to knock up a non-baked bean orientated meal. Any problem with that?” None whatsoever. You soon learn not to argue with a tired, hungry clown. The table, even on 3 legs, is more stable.

Until next time.


  1. It's good that you've got the hyper-chair back. The chairs ability to make you comfortable, to the point that some longstanding pain disappears, is a marvel of technology over biology.
    I would love to have been with you in the chip shop when you performed your amazing elevating chair trick, although I would like to see you raise to about eight feet high, tower over them and the have a megaphone attachment that makes you sound like God... shouting..!
    Now what can I have on toast?

  2. Awesome news! Glad you're back to scootin' around.

  3. I think you should post some pics on facebook of the various tricks your chair can do! It sounds amazing! Thanks for your blog! It's brilliant to read your humour in every situation! You are an inspiration to me!

  4. Did you know that the body is capable of withstanding higher levels of g force when in the reclined position........take it easy in the corners!

  5. I too have learned not to argue with tired and hungry fact, I have learned not to argue with my wife at all. The individual that referred to them as the 'weaker sex' was clearly a) an idiot or b) never met a women let alone lived with one.

    I of course make this remark in a positive and complimentary manner and not in a derogatory way in any shape or form....Polly would hurt me if I inferred otherwise.

    Enjoy being the new Knight Rider Buddy


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