Friday, 13 March 2009

Night Nurse Night Two

I am writing this through a fog of sleeplessness. Night two of the night nurse experiment is over and both Polly and I are growling and groaning in bleary eyed irritation at each other and the world in general. I don't think I spent more than 30 consecutive minutes asleep all night. Having someone parked outside my slightly ajar bedroom door shuffling and flicking magazine pages made out of plate-metal and casting shadow puppets with the blindingly bright reading lamp cunningly positioned to illuminate my bed like a flood-lit football stadium does not for a restful night make. It got to the point where even her breathing echoed round the bedroom like a wailing banshee, shredding my nerves as effectively as a cheese-grater on a broken tooth.

Meanwhile Polly was ensconced in the living room, sleeping on a mattress balanced on the sofa-bed, listening for the slightest disturbance with senses trained by nine years of motherhood. The mattress made the bed more comfortable she tells me, (or, more accurately, snarled at me) but having someone else in the flat, outside the children's room, made her night every bit as restful as mine. Every time the nurse moved, coughed or shuffled her newspaper Polly assumed the boys were under attack and was jolted awake, ready to fight off mad axe-men or rabid wolves. (She was getting a little hysterical by this stage. Sleep deprivation does that to you.) She also said she felt like The Princess and the Pea, balanced on her mattress, balanced on the sofa-bed. Only, of course, it wasn't a pea but a piece of Lego and a model submarine that kept her from Morpheus' gentle grip.

Suffice to say, by next week, when we have night nurse night three, we will have made some changes to the arrangements. I'm thinking about removing every light bulb in the house and sound-proofing the hallway with foam padding. That's if I can stay awake long enough to arrange it.


  1. I'm sorry, Stephen, but I just couldn't help mysef - laughing out loud, that is! (lol) Your story today is just so funny, or at least the way you tell it is. How do you do it? In the midst of so much discomfort and inconvenience you manage to keep your sense of humour. Do you have a special type of humour that is unaffected by troubles, cast iron, or gold-plated or what? Or is it that you are unable to see the dark side of these experiences? Whatever it is, you really ARE an inspiration! (This blog does exactly what it says on the tin!) Keep it up, please! And in the mean time we shall continue to pray for an easing of your problems (at the very least!)

  2. Brian has spoken for me - I agree wholeheartedly with every word he says and I couldn't have put it better myself,so keep on inspiring us Stephen!

  3. Would a white noise machine or fan help with the small noise distractions at least?

  4. Frida,

    Thanks for the idea but I already have a ventilator, an air mattress, battery charger and a dehumidifier. Anything else and I'll need my own power station.


  5. Congrats to Matty on his red belt! :)


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